The King in the North – *the king in the north* Robb Stark’s crush is in full bloom. Now he’s taking nurses to negotiate treaties. Typical woman. Dude is heading out and the woman wants to give him a list of shit to pick up. Then he suggests she just come to the store with him and she’s all, “But I shouldn’t!” Just get on the horse.
Jon Snow – Poor, dumb, bastard virgin. Tricked by the Downton Abbey Gingerling.(Ygritte has a very dirty mouth) How is he ever going to get out of this one? This has to end with Jon Snow meeting his real mother right? Either way, Snow is a dummy for wandering around in the North. How does the Night’s Watch not have some sort of plan for a situation where someone gets separated from the group? People from Cleveland have a plan like that when they take a vacation to SeaWorld Ohio, but the people protecting Westeros from the Wildlings and Whitewalkers don’t?
Theon – Theon continues his strong run. Hard to believe this was Robb’s buddy last season. Theon seemed so damn insignificant. I mean, obviously, Theon is a dick and you’re supposed to start hating him, but he’s been great. To skip right from the beginning of the episode to the end…
RIP (?) Bran and Rickon – Here’s the thing – Game of Thrones is not afraid of showing you something horrible. Would they really kill the youngest Stark children off-screen? Not that the charred bodies weren’t devastating enough. Even Theon seemed disturbed by the final image. No matter who those bodies belonged to.
Cersei – Was she not a bitch at all last night? She steps in and gives Sansa some sage advice and even kind of does some mothering. Then she shared a almost touching scene with Tyrion.
Tyrion – No episode should feature less than 10 minutes of Tyrion and Bronn.
Arya – She’s a child playing a chess game with one of the smartest, most ruthless characters on the entire show. You have to wonder just how much Tywin knows about Arya. Perhaps Baelish even tipped him off.
The Hound – “Killing’s the sweetest thing there is.” Someday, The Hound will kill Joffrey. We will all dance.
Dany’s Dragons – The dragons have been the very big despite being the size of cats. Qarth finally converts from a city to a kingdom, just because they showed up on the doorstep. And they caused the magic bald man to become very evil. That was one of the quickest and most violent coups you’ll ever see.
Dany – Thank you for finally cutting off Mr. Ducksauce as he was about to launch into his latest “I rose from the docks and am now the richest man in Qarth” routine. That being said, I don’t know if he’ll take “no” for an answer for much longer.
Qarth – The most beautiful city in the world is really fucking creepy.
Jaime Lannister – The King Slayer killed two guys (including a cousin), made his great escape and was captured. Then he was such a dick that it looked like Lady Stark was going to put a sword through his neck. All-in-all, a big episode for the caged Lannister. I can’t imagine he makes it through the season finale.